You're ditching social media. So what?
Dopamine detox and old habits
The other day as I was scrolling through my TikTok feed for the sixth hour straight, in a covid-induced fog, I came across a video series by a Canadian (I think) where she quit social media, gaming, and junk food for 30 days. It’s called Dopamine Detox.
(Let’s not get too bogged down in the science of ‘detoxing’, because we understand what it means in this context.)
“Hi, I’m Christa, and I fucking hate my life,” is a great way to start a video. She talks about how gaming, endless scrolling of social media, and being addicted to junk food means she struggles to find pleasure or satisfaction in life in general. After the first of her videos came across my feed, I went to her profile and watched all of them. I could relate to so much of it. Life feels flat a lot of the time. Not in the way it did when I was depressed, and not always, but flat nonetheless.
The irony of watching videos about quitting social media on a social media platform is not lost on me—or on Christa. She said she made the videos each day but didn’t start posting them until two weeks into her month-long ‘detox’. She’s also said she is posting and responding to comments, but resisting the urge to scroll, which honestly, power to her. It’s damn near impossible to avoid a cheeky wee scroll if I open up the app, even if I tell myself I’m only checking notifications.
Unfortunately, her videos made me realise I really need to do something similar. Thanks, I hate it.
Endless social media scrolling is my worst vice.
And honestly, talking about leaving social media is boring. So boring. I apologise, and yet I’m going to carry on. Because if I just did things and didn’t talk about them, what kind of writer would I be?
It’s easy to blame it on various factors as if it’s out of my control—although that’s part of the point. It is out of control.
I can blame it on my ADHD brain wanting constant stimulation. I can blame it on the fact that I’m single and live alone, except for my teenager half the week. If I’m not interacting online, I am just by myself most of the time. I can claim that it is genuinely interesting, and that it has connected me with a lot of people who have become real life friends, and brought me important opportunities. Those things are all true, and yet it’s not enough of a reason to spend this much time in these online spaces, to the detriment of the rest of my life.
Because it’s not even about the scientific studies on the effects of social media and smartphone use. It’s about the fact that I don’t feel good about the balance of time that I spend on it.
Lately, I’ve even found it—dare I say—boring. What the fuck?
As the genocide in Gaza rages on, I have found myself disillusioned with celebrity culture, and I definitely don’t want to see opulence or glamour. Capitalism and consumerism can get in the bin. I don’t want to watch young hot people being young and hot. Yawn. I’m tired even of some Booktok content—the trending sounds adapted for books or writing especially. There’s still plenty of content I enjoy, but there is just as much that I don’t.
And that’s just TikTok. Facebook has been going downhill for years. The other day I counted 21 ‘suggested’ posts on my Facebook feed before I got to something a friend had posted. That’s not even including ads, of which there were several. For a social media platform it’s feeling less social by the week.
I don’t use Instagram very much but in recent months I have intentionally been using it and curating my algorithm to show me almost entirely news about Palestine. I go on there once every couple of days to keep up to date about that because I don’t trust mainstream news to tell the full story. Once upon a time my Insta feed was mostly comic strips and home decor.
Half the time I’m scrolling not because it’s interesting, but because I’m hoping it’s about to get interesting. It was a lightbulb moment for me when I realised that.
And yet it’s such a habit, and I’m so bad at being still and having my own thoughts that I pick up my phone the moment I sit down. My son hates it, and I know this, and yet it’s still such a strong impulse.
The six hours a day I spent on social media while I had covid was more extreme than usual; I do have a full-time job, and a child, and a dog, and housework, and other things that I occasionally do. But it’s that last bit that I really want to address. I want those other things to take up more of my time.
I haven’t even talked about the dopamine aspect, because frankly it doesn’t interest me as much as simply having a good life does. But I’m aware it’s a factor.
In the last couple of days I’ve made a concerted effort to spend less time on social media. The first thing I did, when I looked at my phone and resisted the urge to pick it up? I played the piano for half an hour. I’ve been learning Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata; it’s so beautiful. Then I made a piece of crappy but satisfying art (above). I read two whole books and started two more. Sure, I read a lot anyway, but I want to read more. Books are such a core part of my identity and yet I spend more time scrolling on my phone?
Then I started to weaken. I stayed off social media, but I went on my phone. I read the news (yawn, bad). I played several Tetris games (yawn). I read a few of the tabs I’ve had open for months with articles that looked interesting (they were).
Then I opened Facebook, made a post, left a few comments. Then I opened TikTok and had a scroll.
It’s a work in progress.
But this morning when I woke up, instead of immediately checking my notifications like usual, I read my book for an hour in bed. It was lovely.
I don’t want to go full detox mode, because the reality is smartphones and social media are an intrinsic part of modern life, and I don’t want to opt out of that completely. It’s a lifestyle change, not a diet. I did that once for about 3 weeks and I felt super spacey, and then I eventually went back to old habits.
There’s also the small matter of being a writer. Writers need audiences and people can find you on social media.
I value a lot about the information and connectivity social media brings—and yes, sometimes even the mindless entertainment. But I do want to reclaim my time and break the habit of picking up my phone in every idle moment.
Then I read a newsletter by the amazing
in which he talks about sleeping outdoors, and I suddenly got this craving to go camping?? I wanted to pack my car up and sleep in a sleeping bag on a flimsy mattress on the ground??Listen, I love creature comforts. I’ve had plenty of good times camping but it’s always been at someone else’s suggestion. Yet here I was, seized with a strong desire to go and sleep outside in discomfort and for what? NATURE?! Nature is lovely to look at but I don’t usually want to spend a lot of time touching it.
Unfortunately, I’m a very suggestible person—another good reason not to be on social media all the time. I once saw a Facebook post by Jacinda Ardern where she was eating peanut butter on Vogel’s toast and I went out and bought some Vogel’s for the first time in years because I suddenly needed crunchy peanut butter toast.
Mike’s newsletter reminded me of how important it is not just to take something away, but to add more in.
If I simply take social media away, I’ll be left with a void. With an elephant I’m not supposed to think about.
But if I add in some compelling books from my TBR, a new piece of piano music to learn, the satisfaction of folding the mountain of laundry that’s been sitting in my office for three weeks, and go camping with my kid over Easter?! There’ll be a lot less time to think about the elephant.
I do have to keep my phone near me at all times because it is a medical device—it’s connected to my continuous glucose monitor that tells me what my blood sugar levels are. Suggestions like '‘leave it in another room’ won’t work for me.
So my new rules for myself are:
Maximum one hour per day between Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram combined. If I open an app I have to set the timer.
If I really want to do something on my phone I can read more Substack.
Mondays after my kid gets home from school will be screen-free for both of us.
Add in more things that bring me pleasure or joy or satisfaction, especially writing and creating.
Have you ever wanted to quit social media, or reduce the amount of time you spend on it? I feel like it’s something people talk about a lot.
I've had this open in a tab for well over a week. Shared it before I read all of it. No regrets about that :)
Kudos to you! You figured out what you want more of and less of. And you're making it work for you.
Very nice piece, Charlotte! I agree that we need to replace bad habits with good ones -- or fill that downtime with something. And, it's not an all-or-nothing kind of thing. We must, first, be aware that we've become slaves to the mindless scroll and the dopamine rush of notifications before we can change. Then create a discipline of some sort to integrate social media into our lives. Social media is like a knife: It can be used for good (surgery, cutting vegetables) or hurting or killing. The problem for us is that it's so damn addictive -- and the powers that be know that and utilize the technology to keep us addicted -- keep us as junkies. Awareness -- courage to change -- make the new changes a new way of life.